Skywarp's Quest for Rubies!
by Chaz Forte
Summary: Skywarp has inadvertently destroyed Starscream's gift for Megatron's birthday! Can the goofy seeker manage to replace it? What lengths will he go to? Mild foul language, Drabble.


**Titles are for Suckers!**

**(A Skywarp Adventure~)**

"Skywarp, you _IDIOT!" _Skywarp slowly walked backwards, bumping into Thundercracker in the process. "How _DARE_ you break Lord Megatron's birthday present! _Now_ how am I supposed to earn his _love_ and _respect_?" Starscream shrieked, as he angrily flailed his arms in the air. "B-B-But it was so _shiny_ and cool looking! I didn't know it was gonna _EXPLODE!_" The black seeker shrugged his shoulderplates and smirked. "Guys, guys. Let's not fight. What happened?"

Skywarp turned to face the blue flier. The teleporting jet raised his servo in front of him, and extended his pointy digit. "Well, you see... Screechy over here made Megatron some _stupid_ necklace out of a bunch of shiny rocks for his birthday! I found it when I was rummag- err, looking for him, and I thought it looked cool! So, like... I tried to use it as one of those hula hoop things, but it wouldn't fit around my body! ...so I got mad and threw it at the wall. It blew up! It was _cool!_"

"It was _NOT_ cool! Those were _RUBY CRYSTALS!_ From _BURMA!_ Do you have _any_ idea how hard it was to get those? The only ones left on this stinking planet were confiscated by those damned _Autobots!_" Skywarp laughed. "Can't we like... go to Burma and get more of 'em?" The colourful trine leader smacked his subordinate upside the helm. "_**NO!**_ You _stupid fragging idiotic __**GLITCH!**_ The Autobots blew up the ruby crystal mine! It happened in the second _fragging _episode! I can't believe you've _already_ _forgotten!_"

Thundercracker sighed and rubbed his face with his servo. "Starscream, please calm down. You're starting to break the fourth wall. Skywarp, can't you at least _apologize?_" Skywarp rubbed his smack wound and giggled. "Okay! I'm sorry, Starscream. I promise I'll never blow up your birthday presents _ever_ again. Jeez. It's your own fault anyways! Why would you hide it in a _dumb_ place like the vault you keep all your other personal belongings in? Pssh. If it was _really_ so important, you would have hid it better!" Starscream's vocalizer began making a high pitched whine, as if the seeker was about to explode.

"What kind of _**SLAG**_ apology was _**THAT!**_ I'll _**KILL **_you!" The trine leader shoved his null ray into Skywarp's face. Thundercracker gripped the black seeker's servo and began dragging him out of the room. "Don't worry, Starscream. We'll find a way to make you a new one." Skywarp reluctantly complied with the blue seeker's gentle tug. "Yeah, Screechy! Fuhgetaboutit! We'll totally make a better one!" Starscream began firing at the floor in a fit of rage as his subordinates left the room.

Thundercracker pulled Skywarp into the cafeteria of Decepticon Headquarters and gently sat him down. The blue seeker sighed and sat in front of him. "Jeez, bro. You cycle those intakes of yours pretty hard." The seasoned elitist shook his head. "Of course I do! Why is it that _I_ always have to clean up your messes? Primus! I didn't even know Megatron _had_ a birthday." Skywarp laughed. "Yeah! I know, right? Jeez! He must be like... A billion years old!"

Thundercracker chuckled. "Indeed. Nonetheless... We've got to do something about the ruby crystal situation." The prankster scoffed. "Bah! Why bother? He's always whining about _something._ Wah, wah! I'm Starscream! Leader this, leader that!" "Still... One of these days, he really _is_ going to kill you. Besides, we've got nothing better to do. Let's go!" Thundercracker hopped to his pedes with gusto, but Skywarp crossed his arms and looked away. "I don't _wanna!_"

The blue seeker forcefully dragged his friend out of his seat. "Come on, Skywarp... I'll let you push Starscream down the stairs if you help!" Skywarp shrugged his shoulderplates. "I was totally gonna do that anyways! Ah, if it'll shut you up, I'll go with ya..."

Thundercracker led his teammate out of the base and transformed. Together, the two of them flew to the ruby crystal mines of Burma.

* * *

The two seekers landed and investigated the ruins of the crystal mines. "Hey, bro! I found something!" Thundercracker turned and focused his optics on the small object Skywarp held in his palm. "Skywarp, that's a rock." The black seeker grinned and proudly held it out in front of him. "I know, right? There's a whole _bunch_ of them! Why don't we make a necklace out of _these_?"

Thundercracker sighed (again) and shook his helm. "No, Skywarp! We need the red ones. The _shiny_ red ones. Remember?" Skywarp looked at the rock and laughed. "Oh yeah! Okay." He tossed the rock aside and followed Thundercracker into the depths of the mine. The two seekers searched and searched, but found nothing. "Well bro, there's a _lotta_ rocks, but there's no shiny ones!" "Unfortunately. I suppose we'll have to pester the Autobots..." The seekers stepped out of the mine, but were interrupted by a crowd of angry humans.

"Hey, cool! It's one of those human things!" Skywarp gleefully picked a human up and began waving him around in the air. "Wheee! Wheee! See, bro? He _loves_ it!" Skywarp placed the screaming human on the ground, who immediately fled the scene. An older man stepped forward and pointed at the black seeker.

"You! You... Bastard! You and your robot kind have destroyed our ruby crystal mine! That was our country's number one export! You've _devastated_ our economy!" Thundercracker silently shook his head as Skywarp shrugged his shoulderplates and grinned. "Haha! You're a funny creature. What's an _economy?_" The human flung a rock at the black seeker, followed by a flurry of rocks by the rest of the humans in the crowd. "Our nation is in economic ruin! It's fallen under a dictatorship, and it's all _your_ fault! My kids are sick, and they're going to die! Because of you _monsters!_" The man collapsed to his knees and began crying into the dirt.

Skywarp laughed. "Neat. Listen up, dudes... These rocks are cool and all, but do you have any shiny red ones?" The humans continued harmlessly pelting stones at the seeker. Thundercracker tapped him on the back of his helm. "Skywarp, let's get out of here. I seriously don't think they have any rubies." Skywarp rolled his optics. "Fine. Back to _heeeeeaaaadquarters!_" The seekers transformed and darted back to the Decepticon base.

* * *

Skywarp leaned against the wall of the cafeteria and impatiently tapped his pede. "Jeez. Where is he? He said he'd be here by now..." Thundercracker stepped into the room, dragging in a large cart covered by a mysterious tarp. "Here, Skywarp. _This_ is how you're going to get the rubies." Skywarp placed his servo on his chest. "Me? What, you're not gonna help?" The blue seeker's patience began to visibly wear thin. "Skywarp, this _is_ my help."

In a flash, the aerial expert whipped the tarp off of the cart. Inside the cart was a full salvo of metal cans, along with a giant brush. "Alright, Skywarp. The only rubies in... All of existence, apparently, are in the Autobot base. You're going to _deceive_ the Autobots... with this wonderful disguise!" The black jet groaned. "What kind of crappy disguise is _this_? It's just a bunch of _cans!_" The blue jet peeled the lid off of a can and stirred the contents with one of his digits. "It's paint. White paint. We're going to paint you up and disguise you as Skyfire."

Skywarp giggled. "We? Who's 'we'? And Skyfire? I don't look anything _like_ that traitor!" Thundercracker slyly smiled. "I know, Skywarp. Well, your names are similar enough. I'm sure you'll work something out. Constructicons!" One by one, the six Constructicons strolled into the room.

Scrapper stood at the front of the group. "Aw, Primus. Why do _we_ always hafta do this slag? No respect..." Hook flailed his arms in anger. "Thundercracker! You'd better pay us well for this. This travesty is a severe waste of my surgical expertise!" "Of course, of course. Here's a picture of Skyfire... Oh, and here's the red paint. Hop to it, gentlemechs!"

The green mechs gathered around Skywarp and began painting him. "Oooh! This tickles!" The prankster fidgeted and wiggled, but the Constructicons managed to successfully _disguise_ him. Skywarp climbed to his pedes and examined his repainted body. "Huh. This is kind of cool." Thundercracker laughed. "Cool, indeed. I suppose white is the new black... Now go get 'em, tiger!" Skywarp considered walking out of the base for a moment, until he realized that he felt silly. He also realized that he could teleport, so he did that instead.

* * *

Skywarp landed in front of the Ark. "Cool! I've always wanted to see it." The Decepticon calmly walked into the base, before he was rudely intercepted by Prowl. "Hey. Who are you? What do you think you're doing?" The white seeker shifted his optics from side to side for a moment. "I'm Skyfire! Y'know, the scientist? You don't remember me? Why, I am _offended!_" Prowl shook his helm. "No. You are most definitely _not_ Skyfire. For one thing, he's taller than you. Secondly, he never left! Who are you!"

Skywarp nervously smirked. "Ha.. ha.. I'm.. uh.. I'm a genie! Oooooh!" The seeker teleported further within the Ark, far away from a very confused police car. Skywarp emerged within the science laboratory of the Autobot base, directly behind a red mech. Perceptor turned around and stepped back. "Oh, Skyfire! It's you. Could you assist me with this theorem? I'm trying to develop a new chemical... A liquid that can increase the durability and stamina of our teammates!"

The white seeker laughed. "_Oh!_ Of course, red dude. You just gotta..." Skywarp grabbed a large pencil and began to scribble something onto a sheet of paper. "Here! This will solve _everything_. Now, uh.. I'm doing science too! I need ruby crystals! Where do we keep 'em?" The microscope paused for a second in thought. "Oh, those? I believe there's a cache of them within Wheeljack's laboratory." "Thanks, bro!" Skywarp handed his sheet of paper to Perceptor and ran off. The scientist examined the piece of paper. "A... banana? Hmm. I hope he's doing alright. I'd better tell Smokescreen about this..."

The Autobot imposter pranced gleefully down the hallways of the Ark for a moment, before he stopped and thought to himself. "Aw, slag. I should have asked where Wheeljack's lab is. What's a 'wheeljack', anyways?" Skywarp continued walking down the hallway, until he bumped into a strangely finned white mech. "Aaaaagh! I remember you!" Wheeljack stopped and looked at the white seeker, chuckling. "Hahaha! I remember you too, Skyfire! Whaddaya want?"

"I'm looking for Wheeljack's lab. You know where it is?" Wheeljack burst out into heavy laughter. "Well yeah, I guess I do! Whaddaya need to go there for? Ya lookin' for somethin'?" Skywarp scratched his helm. "Yeah! I need ruby crystals! _For science!_" "Alright, Skyfire. My laboratory is just down the hall. Third door on yer left. Just don't touch anything else, okay? I'm workin' on somethin'." The Decepticon grinned. "Thanks, fin dude."

Skywarp pranced gleefully down the hall and went into Wheeljack's lab. "Huh. All kinds of neat stuff." The seeker scoured the room, until a brown sack caught his optics. He opened the sack and eyed the contents. "Ruby crystals! Cool! I'm totally getting outta here, before I meet any more of these freaks." Skywarp slung the sack over his shoulderplating, and warped out of there.

* * *

Skywarp confidently strutted into Starscream's private quarters with a grin plastered across his face. "Here, Screechy! I got you all the fraggin' crystals you could ever want!" Starscream clenched his fists for a moment, until he examined the contents of the sack. "Oh, good. You actually did something right for once, _glitch!_ ...Wait, why are you painted white?" The white seeker giggled. "It's a long story, Screech. Anyways, I gotta go scrub this slag off... Have fun with your dumb rocks."

The prankster left the room. The trine leader began to assemble a new necklace for his master. "Oh, Megatron will be _delighted!_" Starscream placed the necklace against his chest and softly swooned. "Oh Megatron... I'll be so glad when you put this on... I wonder what you'll look like after it explodes around your _stupid_ neck..."


End file.
